London.

For the Record...

Oh, Foggy Londontown, where do I begin? It's been over two months and sometimes I still can't believe I'm living here. Free museums, cute accents, the tube, fish 'n chips...and oh the shenanigans. I don't even know if I can possibly even begin to blog about the past two months because there's been so much--but I can at least provide you with some humorous anecdotes, a greatest hits list, if you will, as I sit here on my bed, listening to NPR and breaking in my new 9 pound pumps. (O.k....maybe I'm just admiring them.)

O.k. so...here goes. At the sweet little building/high school-esque establishment that we call Faraday House, a.k.a. the S.U. London Center houses the craziest professor that has ever walked the planet. We'll call him...Professor Serb. I just so happen to have a list of quotations that this fine man (who our class is traveling to Paris with a week from today) has uttered during class over the past two months. Sit back and enjoy the following:

"All Serbs rape all the time."
"AND...YOU...ARE...A...LESBIAN!" (making believe he was talking to his female "pahtnah")
"Rich people go to hell because they are all bastards! His mother had to screw somebody to get millions!"
"I have a thing about red-headed people. I think they're all stupid."
"Germans don't drink tea with milk! Only perverts do that."
"...I have a weakness for handbags. I'm a cross-dresser on the weekend."
"You don't push your grandfather down the stairs and say 'why you walk so fast, grandfather?'"
"Those Arabs. They're dodgy people."
"I was born a Catholic Jew."
"You peasant!"
"Switzerland's a nice country, but what is this?...yodeling up the mountains?"
"I know our kids have taken E and smoked dope, but I think they just shouldn't do heroin or coke...you know?"
"Holland is a nice country full of wooden clogs, tulips and dope."
"A. Yes. B. No."
"What does Hungary provide N.A.T.O.? 15 soldiers and a gun."
"I will get them a present from Body Shop."
"Then you ask questions. If not, I kill you."
"You know Oscar Wilde, that homosexual?"
"There are few places where you can make millions. Prostitution, drugs, gambling, buying and selling Cuba."
"The Germans say no no no the Ruskies are stupid--they drink out of toilets!"
"I am a caring sharing German."
"You have a tattoo on your foot? Nice one. I have never seen an American with a tattoo in a classroom. Maybe they have them on their bottoms or what."
"Don't tell me your life."
"I know you are a cool hip hop dude."
"I just explode inside because they are fat bastards!"
"...especially the Mexicans. Crawling across the Arizona desert, these guys."
"Single mothers. They deserve to be hammered. They never work, the bastards."
"I made 16 copies--you want them for toilet paper or what?"
"Kick her."
"Don't be German."

...Hours of entertainment. More London anecdotes and Professor Serb quotes to come in the future.

And a happy 10th birthday to my puppy!

Thanks for listening.

~Jamie